Occasionally, I'd hear people say, "My mom is so strict! She keeps calling asking where I am now!" or "My mom is over protective." Honestly, I'm jealous of everyone who has a Mom. It fucking sucks to remember so little about your own Mom. It's been seven years and slowly, I'm forgetting a lot of stuff about her. I understand the phrase "You don't realise what you got, until it's gone." is cliche though. Obviously, you can't learn to be happy with someone forever. But I do believe in trying your best to make the best of the time you have with them. And ever since my Mom passed away, My Dad's been too easy going on me. Don't get me wrong, it isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I do miss having limitations. I miss being grounded. I miss everything. Looking at old photo albums, it really sucks to look at my Dad and see how happy he looked with my Mom all those years ago. Sometimes, I can't understand how he can be so strong about it. He told me "I only have hope because of you and kuya." But up to date, my life hasn't been the greatest. It fucking sucks to be in the middle of everything. I'm just hoping somewhere down the road, my brother and my Dad will be in good terms again. Because honestly, I'm so sick of all this shit. I'm sick of everything that I've had to endure; I'm sick of crying over all the drama. There's so much things I can't even talk about with even my closest friends. But you know what? I'll just put on my fake smile, imperceivable like every other day, and just hope that somewhere down the road, things will brighten up again.

I really wish you were still here Mom. I miss and love you so much. July 21, 2002, 8:20pm